Saturday, 3 November 2007

The blonde dog does it again


Yesterday morning dog and I went out for our early morning walk, accompanied by my friend and her three retrievers. Dawn and I were deep in conversation and realised too late that the two blondes had hurled themselves into what is a pond in summer, but is now just 6" or so of mud. Still, we got them all out of that and headed on. The next thing we heard was a thunder through the undergrowth and some ominous splashing. They'd found a pond they'd always ignored before (and which we'd forgotten about too) and they all emerged reeking of stagnant water; the two blondes an interesting shade of grey, tinged with black slime.

But we weren't too worried: there was a big pond further on which is usually clear and not stagnant and they did all clean off quite well in there (I did feel a bit for the wildlife they disturbed, but succeeded in shoving the guilt firmly down). So, by the end of the walk, I was feeling fairly smug, as I had a dog who was wet but not smelly or muddy.

However, hubris...... hubris..... dog disappeared around the corner, and emerged back almost instantly daubed from head to foot in fox poo - and this was a fox that had obviously not agreed with what it ate last, as what it had left behind was liquid, and had transferred itself effortlessly to my darling dog. She reeked, she stank, she dripped.... but she was happy. It wasn't quite as bad as the time she rolled in an extremely dead squirrel, but it wasn't far off.

These shops that sell clothing for your dog have got it wrong, so wrong. It may be what the human wants, but it isn't what the dog wants. So, as my Christmas special, Jane Badger Books is branching out. I give you Fox, a scent for today's cool pooch. Want the rest of the pack to smell you and think "WOW - there's a dog prepared to get in touch with their primal instincts?" Then Fox, lovingly prepared from only the freshest ingredients, is for you.


Alternatively, there's Corpse Reek: for that special hunt. Always chasing squirrels and never catching them? Do rabbits laugh when they smell you coming? You'll laugh now when you wear Corpse Reek. Catch your own Christmas Dinner the Jane Badger Books and Scent way.

5 comments:

Vanessa said...

Ick. The good thing about Teaga is that she's so big that she can plough through muddy ditches, etc and generally only gets the lower 18 inches of her leg dirty and that can be hosed off easily at home. She does however love a bit of fox poo!

GeraniumCat said...

It really does seem that the worse it is, the more irresistible. We live near the coast and our dogs can't bear to pass on dead fish - they find it particularly delicious to savour on the drive home, though they can't see why all the windows have to be open and there are people making retching noises!

Jane said...

It's when that shoulder dips you know you're in trouble.... there's something vile and it's going to be rolled in.

Vanessa - well Teaga is also mud coloured, so that does help! I wouldn't fancy drying her off though, with all that coat.

Geraniumcat. Fish. You lucky thing. Now there's something dog (as far as we know) hasn't experienced, but I'm sure she'd think it heaven on earth if she found it. Come to that, I think dog heaven must be a spectacularly smelly place.

Gillian said...

You've just reminded me of one of the reasons I only have cats.

In nearly 20 years of owning cats, I've only once had to wash one. Which is just as well. Cats aren't fond of being washed and tend to let you know.

Jane said...

Gillian - you had to wash your cat????? Why? I must say I am very glad I was not you.

Mind you, that does remind me of a Burmese we had who never washed (the vet thought it was due to Key Gaskell syndrome, which she had as a kitten). Our Siamese used to wash her, but once, in an attempt to get Jezebel the Burmese to wash, we smeared butter, which she adored, on her fur. It didn't work. SHe went rancid instead. Fortunately the Siamese got back on the job at that point. We were not looking forward at all to washing her.